What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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