I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Randomize
