When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Congratulations! We have a period
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