sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I faked an abortion last night.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
19 Teachers Share the Funniest Items Brought to “Show and Tell”
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
23 Concerns People Have When They’re About To Have Sex With Someone New
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?