I heard we made out
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do