hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
These 25 Women First Experienced Sexual Harassment At A Shocking Age
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
23 Absolutely Despicable Things That People Have Actually Done
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?