That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.