so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
We need a shit load of segways right now
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
