As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I miss vodka workout Fridays
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
