Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
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