Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Randomize
