dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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