My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
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