I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
