Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
