Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
