i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
