this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
