Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
