My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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