In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
smell my finger.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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