everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
