So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
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she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
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Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
