I'm going to jail i love you
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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