it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
