She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
i dont even know how to be here
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
