Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
