Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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