Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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