Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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