Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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