Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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