let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I'm passing your future prison.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT