she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?