My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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