I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.