The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
