I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
don't judge my taste in strippers
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I'm gonna fight the coyote
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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