Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
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