I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
