Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
vagina is talking i cant
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Randomize
