my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
