Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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