Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
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