make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
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All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
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You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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