Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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