Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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