I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Randomize
