Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
