better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
