U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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