The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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