She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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