i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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