ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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