need another drink. this is the easiest way
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
