My Higher Power is John Stamos
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
