sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
