im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
