It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
dude. I can hear the air.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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