you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
