I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
