it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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