either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
