I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
It's just like the Real World with babies
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
