I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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