Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
i think we sleep fucked last night...
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
