We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
