I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Randomize
