i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
