maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
