I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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