Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
