i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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