I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
