I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
