ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
