She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize